I forgot to put this Easter Meat Artist video up! Man, there go my chances of booking any prom work.

Prom is a really busy season for meat artists. We get orders for corsages; wrist, shoulder, and if you don’t have shoulders or wrists, I make an awesome waist corsage!

We do recommend to put your meat corsage in the fridge before wearing it and also avoid bears. (But young ladies should avoid bears anyway if it’s that time of the month)

Who's ready to laugh?

So I’m putting together a comedy show at an assisted living center. I’m still in the framing stage of this so if anyone stumbles upon this and knows of an assisted living center interested in hosting a show let me know.

I’m thinking it would only be up to four comics or so at like 10 minutes each and I could always experiment with the set up.

Here’s the thing; I also think it would be fun to hear from the residents too. I’m sure they have stories to tell-maybe I could have an open mic at the end with the residents?

Part of me thinks I’m just copying “Punchline,” the part where Tom Hanks’ character goes to the hospital and entertains the sickly-which I’d be lying if I said I don’t want that to happen to me. The other part of me feels a little icky like I’m just doing it for attention. This is also true, I want the attention of people especially when I’m in front of them on a mic. A THIRD part of me has flashbacks of visiting my grandparents in nursing homes and there’s no way some of the residents (the mentally absent) would enjoy a show-then again that’s no different from an average open mic.

It’s weird how people in LA are desperate for stage time and there are shows at every imaginable place: Dispensaries, AA meetings, Hotels, Apartment rooftops…This ” idea” I had is probably already being done.

Places to have a comedy show:

Abandoned pools-Anyone have a show there?

Landfills

DMV line entertainment

IKEA

Food court

High School (during lunch)

Homeless shelters

Prisons (I think that’s been done)

Dog Parks

Bus Stops

Parking Garage

Skate Park

 

 

I went to The Standard Hotel (Hollywood) last night for a comedy show. It was my first time going to any Standard Hotel and I’m not really into Hollywood culture at all so it was a little overwhelming.  First off there’s valet, which I know is a part of going out with other people (if I were alone-oh boy, I look forever for meters) but that already puts me in a strange place mentally. Then you walk into the 60’s decor, shag carpet on the floor wall and ceiling, hanging ball chairs and then this: (see photo)

The front desk of the hotel has two agents then behind them is a girl in a display case. My friend and I wanted to feed her lettuce and give her a bottle of water.  I thought, “How much does she get paid?” And “I wonder how you would list that job on your resume.” It’s art. Okay. I’ll move on, even though I could talk about that probably all day. The guy in this photo is the DJ, spinning for the hotel. If you’ve seen Portlandia I guess this is what they’re referencing in the Deuce Hotel sketch. The DJ thing I don’t really mind-that seems more okay than a human being on display.

So I was out of my element (my element being my bed.) I felt insecure, which isn’t that weird-but is that what Hollywood is? I think maybe that’s what part of the vibe of Hollywood is-making people feel that they lack something whether it be money, fame, skinny jeans, youth, personality…

Long story short, know thyself and to thine something, something, something…I ended up feeling okay at the end of the night because I decided to be okay with who I am-even though I still want to set the girl in the display case free…

I found this new diet I’m going to try:

I was talking to a bartender at one of the mics I go to and he said he did music for a Marisa Tomei hula hoop workout video.  Of course I went home and immediately looked this video up, but couldn’t find it! Instead,  apparently Ms. Tomei does a ton of workout videos including this one where it looks like she didn’t know she was going to be filmed. Here’s what I imagine happened:

Ms. Tomei: Well, I’m lying here in bed, might as well roll out into my workout room. In my pajamas.

(SHE ENTERS WORKOUT ROOM TO A FILM CREW)

Ms. Tomei: Oh, hey.

DIRECTOR: We’re gonna film okay.

Ms. Tomei: Eh, okay fine (I’m hot as hell anyway)

AND SCENE.

Oh, btw, if anyone finds the hula hoop video send it.

Just in time for St. Patrick’s Day!

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If you’re anything like me, you love digging through trash. It doesn’t matter who’s trash, you just want it-now! On one trash hunt I recently discovered two celebrity to-do lists! The fist one is from (we’ll call her) Mangelina Rolie.

 

 

 

 

The second one belongs to a certain starlette I’ll call Starlett Bohansen. (because I just said “Starlette”).

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To Do: 1. Power Up 2. Antivirus Scan 3. Act Like human 4. Get perfect boobs updated 5. Power Down to Sleep Mode