I recently quit my bartending gig and now I’m looking for work.  Here’s my application I submitted to Living Social for their freelance writing position in OC. Wish me luck! (In that picture of me I’m crossing my fingers, not giving the talon sign)

To The Living Social Team,

I’ve attached my resume and this writing sample for the freelance writing position at Living Social. I routinely peruse Living Social deals, not to partake in the money-saving offers, but to imagine how I would write the copy. I like to see myself as the Bukowski of the Living Social realm. People will read my promotion for a colon cleanse and feel as though they are subhuman until they get the crap pulled out of their intestines. People who have never thought about cupcakes will see nothing but icing and fondant after they have read my deal of the day for Sugarbaby Cupcakes. I will haunt the minds of savings-driven customers until they have no choice but to give in and purchase that 20 for 10 deal.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Tammy Connors

(Writing Samples)

Poppy Restaurant:

Impress your friends with a dinner that won’t end with tears and diarrhea!

Poppy restaurant offers a thali style menu where each person gets a variety of dishes in one platter that won’t make you splatter! Eggplant fries, quinoa cakes, and coffee avocado ice cream cake are just some of the selections you’ll have for this gang bang in your mouth!

Now’s the time to snatch this deal; $25 for $50 of food and drink! Last time you got a deal this good, you had to hide a pubic hair in the food just to get a free dessert!

So run without worrying about getting the runs to Poppy and use this amazing deal!

The Standard

Ever wonder what it was like to be a coke dealer’s girlfriend? Now you can live the dream with the Standard Massage package for the price of a botched bag of meth!

Imagine, while your boyfriend is shooting up 80’s nightclubs, you’ll receive hydrotherapy, essential oils and a 90 minute rub down to help you forget about the bad drug deal that ended with twenty dead men in your ex-husband’s house.

For 60 bucks you’ll get an offer you can’t refuse; The Standard Massage package (that’s 60% off)!

The Standard Hotel, you fuck with them, you’re fuckin with the best!